Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm at about main and main street
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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