All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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