Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
