apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize