Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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