Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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