the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
