I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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