Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
