He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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