I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize