wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
