I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
