I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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