I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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