this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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