so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
