are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
