just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You brought string cheese to the strip club
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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