I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize