If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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