We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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