it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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