My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
