i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
