I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
