With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize