Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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