ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
