Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
