what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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