Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
