He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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