no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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