Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
