what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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