We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize