Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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