Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am one with the molecules
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
