Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
