i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
