Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
