Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry about my life...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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