I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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