she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
