also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it hurts more in the daytime
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
