His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Houston, we have a squirter
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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