I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
