you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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