a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
