The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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