i just had sex bonerless
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
