he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
