The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
