i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
