I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
