i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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