I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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