Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
