I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
