Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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