Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
