Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
