then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
