Jerry, you need to find god
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
