I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
