Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
