using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
