my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
