Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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