dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
