Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize