If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I believe in your delicious
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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