It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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