dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
