she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
