I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
