Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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