Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When are your genitals available?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
