I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
