So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
