I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
