i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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