I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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