Already got asked if we're dating
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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