i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
