I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
