you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
