I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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