guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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