i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
