Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
