My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
