fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
