Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize