'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
