definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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